There is an old saying – Never bite the hand that feeds you .
Heard of it ? I guess so !
How often have you been ‘bitten’ by that person or persons whom you tried to help ?
It is one of the most frequent used forms of abuse that you may come across. I call it, Abuse of kindness !
Why ?, Well here’s why.
A person, be it a friend, family member or an acquaintance, wants to borrow, for example, your mitre-saw for a day or two. To your amazement the one or two days become a week, month or much longer, and when you need it and request for its return, the saw is handed back as follows; dirty, clearly misused and maybe even broken, and if you dare to mention it to the culprit, he/ she, is immediately defensive and tells you that it was in a poor condition and of poor quality, upon receiving it, even though you know how meticulous you are with your tools.
What lesson do we learn from this experience ?
Do not lend anything to someone, be it a friend, relative or an acquaintance.
Another saying that comes to mind – you have to be cruel to be kind, and to be able to look one another in the eye in the future, without any ill feelings.
Abuse of men ?
Oops ! And we thought it is only women who are abused ?
No, NOT TRUE.
Look at what Emily Douglas, a professor in Social Science, at Worcester Polytechnic Institute, who researched and mainly worked on violence against men by their own partners , has to say, according to MEL Magazine.
“She says the need to be “macho” has resulted in men not even considering themselves victims or realizing the violence they’re experiencing, is a crime. “We don’t think of men as being capable of being victims or targets of abuse. We associate them with moral and physical strength and being protectors, which doesn’t align nicely with an image of someone being physically abused, psychologically manipulated or degraded.”
The next question that would probably be asked …….
How is that possible ?
It is possible and happens more often than we may think or be aware of.
Perhaps we should visit our local hospitals to get the statistics of how many men are physically abused by their partners. Psychologists can also be able to provide the numbers of patients who are or have been receiving treatment.
The main problem with men reporting violence against them, is the fact that they may be mocked . We tend to look at men and see only their physique. That is probably where the biggest problem is, since men also have feelings and emotions, and due to norms, men are supposed to be strong.
Furthermore, men are ashamed to seek help. They are more concerned about what the doctor or psychologist may think of them than to find a person in whom they could confide. After all, they do not even consider that the doctor / patient privilege does come into play.
What.are emotions – as described in the Colllins –Dictionary
…… emotion is a feeling such as happiness, love, fear, anger, or hatred, which can be caused by the situation that you are in , or the people you are with.
There are many descriptions and definitions of emotions, however, I think that the basic understanding of emotion is as per the description above.
Do you know how many emotions we, human beings may experience.
Copied from the internet
……recent research out of the University of California, Berkeley, suggests that this simplifies things. Rather than six broad categories, there could be 27 distinct types of emotion, all of which are interconnected.
Some days we may wake up and feel sad for no reason. Imagine how these emotions impact on the lives of abused people.
During conversations with colleagues and friends , I came to realise how little we know about emotions.
Becoming aware that something may be wrong, is also very difficult, and sometimes the abused disguise their pain very well.
It is so important that we realise how to say something in order not to impose on a person. Unfortunately, we as human beings are inclined to enjoy hurting people in a malicious manner.
One of the most experienced emotions are obviously jealousy. How abusive we can be when being jealous of a person. Be it of his/ her success or achievement, or anything that may cause that green monster to stick out its ugly head. How difficult some of us find it to say, and mean it, when we apologise for wrongdoing , or congratulate someone with an achievement.
Yes, abuse has many faces, and we need to change our attitude toward abuse.
And it goes further ! Abuse, that is.
We as the public are also abused from time to time, in fact, more often than not.
Just think about the scams, the corruption and many other instances where we are conned out of our hard earned money.
Abused ? Of course we were !
How often do we hear of elderly people, vulnerable women, ignorant or gullible people, who lose their entire savings or livelihood to some scammers. Someone gives a very efficient and well prepared talk on a money-making product, and guess what happens ? At least 40% of those listeners would invest in the product, without doing any homework. Certain countries have managed to get themselves blacklisted due to the many scamming artists . All this happens due to the power of MONEY – the quick rich schemes. Who does not want to make a quick buck or even better, become wealthy within a very short period ?
Then there are those who make a living by abuse.
Parents send their young children to beg from people in the streets .
Who are we to turn a blind eye to these instances of abuse ?
What are we, the public doing about it ? Most of all, what are the POLICE and LAW ENFORCERS doing about it ? I have been witness to instances where these police driven vehicles drive by and sometimes even stop to engage in a conversation with these children.
Should they not immediately act on these instances ?
We are so quick to use foul language when we address someone in anger !
In our town the Taxis cause havoc during the day ….., and sometimes at night as well.
How easy to shout at the driver to use the indicators or something like “ where did you buy your damned licence?” Sound familiar ? I’m certain it must strike a cord.
Abuse ….., yes that is abuse, even though we would like to ignore that fact.
Or what about Bruno the Alsatian, or maybe Garfield the cat, when we are in a hurry and the poor pet is in the way. Chances are that we might shove it with a foot or shout at it .
And later this afternoon when we arrive back at home, guess who is waiting upon us, wagging his tail and so happy to see us. And we…….., do we even give it a thought that we were nasty toward poor Bruno ? Never, we carry on as if nothing had happened.
Exactly how we treat animals, that is sometimes also true on how we treat people.
When we notice a person with a disability, we intend to stare and whisper behind our hands.
Why ? Many disabled people were either born that way, or some lost a limb in an accident, or due to some or other illness. What about the people who are blind or deaf ? Imagine what a shock it can be when someone shouts in that blind persons ear ? And believe me, that happens !
Deaf people also find themselves being abused. Especially when they are being ignored and there is no regard for their disability, by turning you head away from that person, who needs to see your mouth in order to lip read. How cruel are people ?
The first issue on abuse – was more about what is experienced by the victims.
However, we, as individuals, what do we do to our parents/ loved ones? What do we do FOR our parents / loved ones?
Many of us would prefer the parent to be in a retirement home, yes, I do understand that, but, when there are celebrations, family gatherings, how many of us tend to forget the parents who sacrificed so much in order to give the best they could afford ?
That, is abuse! Maybe not the way we think about abuse, yet it still remains abuse.
Somewhere I read that we are the product of our parents, whether they are rich or poor, good or bad, that does not matter, we still have to respect and love them for who thy are.
Today there are so many issues that we, as people, have to deal with. We are inclined to spend much more time on our electronic devices. Children play games on their mobile phones, whilst adults spend more time text messaging. Do we realise that time is limited ? How much time is your life-span ? We tend to forget that we do not control TIME. One minute lost daily becomes 365 minutes lost during a year.
Just take a couple of seconds and THINK what you could have done with the time that you lost, to improve another persons’ life, or an animals’ life.
How , maybe, we could have saved a massacre by someone who needed attention and was probably “crying” out for help, which we did not see or recognise. Is it not time that we, as individuals, parents, siblings, children and friends, start to become more aware of what is happening, be it abuse, or neglect or cruelty, or maybe someone crying out for a little bit of acknowledgement ?
According to various definitions it is classified as the MISUSE of someone or something
repeatedly. An example is the repeated habitual over-indulgence of alcohol to the detriment of the user.
We, as people, are oblivious of the many faces / types of abuse that are found amongst us.
Is it ignorance by choice, or are we afraid of getting involved in something that we can not handle ?
Whatever the reason, many of the issues that happen, are connected to some form of abuse.
Often we say something jokingly, without even considering that it might affect the person or persons whom it was aimed at. An example – “BIG Foot”, a nickname when someone has big feet, or “Dilly Dreams”, aimed at someone who is perhaps bespectacled and not into the fun loving things that others may like, or even calling someone a nerd, due to his / her interest in information gathering or learning. These nicknames are mostly carried by the people involved, for their entire lives. However, do we, the name givers, realise what the impact is or may have been on the receivers of these names.
I agree, this is done in a sporting way, however, no person can ever know what the other person feels upon this name calling.
There are so many instances of abuse which we allow to pass us by, because, maybe we noticed an elderly person with bruises on his/ her arms and / or legs. Upon enquiring, the affected person/s may brush it off, because he / she does not want to cause any problems, mainly being afraid of further abuse by the perpetrators. This has frequently been proven in retirement homes, where the elderly, who can not fend for themselves are being mistreated by staff-members.