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In Lavender we are still talking about it – yes about ABUSE.
And here in Namibia we are feeling the winter creeping up on us.
So many people out there are without blankets and warm clothes . Are you handing some blankets out to the Round Table Collectors – or are you just ignoring the plight ? Either way, you probably have a good reason why you do not want to donate a blanket or funds.
Many reasons have been brought up and ONE in particular stood out. Who says that the money and blankets are really going to those very vulnerable people ?
I must admit, it sent me thinking, who controls all these fundraisings ? How do we know that it is not only a select few who benefit from it ?
Would it not be better to sponsor a family and deliver your funds to them rather than to leave it in someone’s hands whom you have no control over ?
I also wonder if we think about these situations – of the needy ? Or are we merely trying to soothe our conscience ?
Riets, ek geniet jou boek geweldig baie! Ek trek nou aan die einde van jou boek.
Ek het al snot en trane gehuil oor al die “seer en eina pyn” wat mense aan mekaar doen. 😰💧💦💦 Mens besef nie hoe siek is die mense in hierdie wêreld nie. Mense raak gewoond om met woorde, dade, opmerkings, suggesties, jaloesie en wat nie alles nie mekaar af te breek dat daar niks van mens self oorbly nie. Jesus is die Prins van Vrede maar as n mens goed luister wat om jou gepraat word en om jou gedoen word dan sien n mens maar min van vrede en liefde. Baie BAIE dankie vir hierdie fantastiese boek wat n mens weer trompop in aanraking bring met “abuse” op alle terreine van die lewe. Vroue, kinders, ou mense, sagte mans, gestremde mense, diere en “you name it”! Dankie ook vir die liefde van die Here wat ek ook in jou boek kon lees om mense te help om “heel” te word. Ek trek nou daar. Gaan eers klaar lees en ek sal die boek weer van vooraf lees om te sien waar ek in my lewe emosionele misbruikte mense kan help? Skitterend geskryf Riets en maklik en lekker gelees. Wat n wonderlike nagedagtenis laat jy vir jou kinders en vir almal wat jou boek gaan lees na. Soveel goeie raad, soveel seer wat vermy kan word vir die mense van hierdie wêreld. Soveel van my eie foute gesien. My morsdood gehuil en gehuil. As n mens net minder selfsugtig kan wees en opreg kan liefhê en mekaar se andersheid kan verdra, kon die aarde n beter plek gewees het. Gelukkig het n n ligte griep en verkoue opgetel na die Bloemskou en moes ek in die bed bly en toe gryp ek my kans en lees “Lavender”. Baie baie dankie Riets! Baie dankie! 💯%😁👍🏻🙏🏻🙌🏻💔💜🌿💜🌿💜🌿💜
5/13/18, 14:22 – Chix: Klaar gelees! 😰😭😰💦💧💦💧💦💧💔💔💔💧💧💧💧
Since we started the weekly small talk on the various issues of ABUSE, there are still so many people out there who have no idea that there are many types of Abuse.
Lavender, as a fictional novel, merely described a limited few of the many forms of Abuse.
Abuse is not something that a person or persons wish upon themselves, and whether it is a child or an adult, there are so many circumstances where the victims fall prey to the abusers, and it is not by choice.
An easy example is that of the elderly. If an old person, be it a woman or a man, are abused by family, nursing staff etc., how on earth can they defend themselves if, 1) they are vision impaired and can not see who attacks them or 2) they are fearful of the aftermath, should they lay a complaint. People can be very vindictive and take it out on these vulnerable older people.
We must realize that Abuse has many faces and we tend to overlook so many instances because we are not informed.
In Lavender, the abuse of the elderly was mentioned, yet it takes place every day and in many instances people ignore so many facts. During the week a situation was brought to my attention of an elderly couple who was requested to get rid of their small dog, as it was a disturbance to an occupant in the same complex. The complainant is on a witch hunt, and the elderly has to bear the brunt. Many of the apartment complexes do not allow pets – yet they do not realize how important a pet, be it a cat, dog or whatever pet it may be, is to the mental and other health issues, especially to the elderly ?
Many studies have proven that it is therapeutic and a stimulation to the elderly, children and many other people who suffer from some or other health problems, to own a pet
I quote ‘Animal-assisted activity has been leveraged as an intervention to improve social functioning in older psychiatric (Haughie et al., 1992) and dementia patients……….. and improving quality of life, mood, and social interaction.’
Time is so important – especially as their time is running out, so why not just be more lenient and allow people to live in peace.
This is not a topic which was touched in Lavender, yet it is considered a form of abuse amongst many people, although it is another example of choice, be it for religious , cultural, or fashionable purposes or merely a statement.
The practice of puncturing the human body eg., ear piercing is well known in historic and ancient times and has been practiced by both males and females, and dates back to more than 5000 years ago. The African and American cultures mainly practiced lip and tongue piercing, whilst nipple piercing dates back to ancient Roman times, and genital piercing in India is a form of religion.
Some of the most famous people to wear an earring, was none other than Shakespeare. Even in Biblical times, Rebecca received a nose ring. A woman , Elaine Davidson of Brazil , has been noted for the most piercings and is holding the record of more than 6000 piercings.
Archaeologists have recently started to do research on the subject.
Now we ask the question – Is it abusive to the body ?
The dangers and the risks of body piercing is something that needs consideration eg., hyperthrophic scar, bacterial or viral infection and allergies, are only a few.
However, whichever choice you make, think before jumping on the band-wagon. It is a choice !
There is an old saying – Never bite the hand that feeds you .
Heard of it ? I guess so !
How often have you been ‘bitten’ by that person or persons whom you tried to help ?
It is one of the most frequent used forms of abuse that you may come across. I call it, Abuse of kindness !
Why ?, Well here’s why.
A person, be it a friend, family member or an acquaintance, wants to borrow, for example, your mitre-saw for a day or two. To your amazement the one or two days become a week, month or much longer, and when you need it and request for its return, the saw is handed back as follows; dirty, clearly misused and maybe even broken, and if you dare to mention it to the culprit, he/ she, is immediately defensive and tells you that it was in a poor condition and of poor quality, upon receiving it, even though you know how meticulous you are with your tools.
What lesson do we learn from this experience ?
Do not lend anything to someone, be it a friend, relative or an acquaintance.
Another saying that comes to mind – you have to be cruel to be kind, and to be able to look one another in the eye in the future, without any ill feelings.
Abuse of men ?
Oops ! And we thought it is only women who are abused ?
No, NOT TRUE.
Look at what Emily Douglas, a professor in Social Science, at Worcester Polytechnic Institute, who researched and mainly worked on violence against men by their own partners , has to say, according to MEL Magazine.
“She says the need to be “macho” has resulted in men not even considering themselves victims or realizing the violence they’re experiencing, is a crime. “We don’t think of men as being capable of being victims or targets of abuse. We associate them with moral and physical strength and being protectors, which doesn’t align nicely with an image of someone being physically abused, psychologically manipulated or degraded.”
The next question that would probably be asked …….
How is that possible ?
It is possible and happens more often than we may think or be aware of.
Perhaps we should visit our local hospitals to get the statistics of how many men are physically abused by their partners. Psychologists can also be able to provide the numbers of patients who are or have been receiving treatment.
The main problem with men reporting violence against them, is the fact that they may be mocked . We tend to look at men and see only their physique. That is probably where the biggest problem is, since men also have feelings and emotions, and due to norms, men are supposed to be strong.
Furthermore, men are ashamed to seek help. They are more concerned about what the doctor or psychologist may think of them than to find a person in whom they could confide. After all, they do not even consider that the doctor / patient privilege does come into play.
What.are emotions – as described in the Colllins –Dictionary
…… emotion is a feeling such as happiness, love, fear, anger, or hatred, which can be caused by the situation that you are in , or the people you are with.
There are many descriptions and definitions of emotions, however, I think that the basic understanding of emotion is as per the description above.
Do you know how many emotions we, human beings may experience.
Copied from the internet
……recent research out of the University of California, Berkeley, suggests that this simplifies things. Rather than six broad categories, there could be 27 distinct types of emotion, all of which are interconnected.
Some days we may wake up and feel sad for no reason. Imagine how these emotions impact on the lives of abused people.
During conversations with colleagues and friends , I came to realise how little we know about emotions.
Becoming aware that something may be wrong, is also very difficult, and sometimes the abused disguise their pain very well.
It is so important that we realise how to say something in order not to impose on a person. Unfortunately, we as human beings are inclined to enjoy hurting people in a malicious manner.
One of the most experienced emotions are obviously jealousy. How abusive we can be when being jealous of a person. Be it of his/ her success or achievement, or anything that may cause that green monster to stick out its ugly head. How difficult some of us find it to say, and mean it, when we apologise for wrongdoing , or congratulate someone with an achievement.
Yes, abuse has many faces, and we need to change our attitude toward abuse.
And it goes further ! Abuse, that is.
We as the public are also abused from time to time, in fact, more often than not.
Just think about the scams, the corruption and many other instances where we are conned out of our hard earned money.
Abused ? Of course we were !
How often do we hear of elderly people, vulnerable women, ignorant or gullible people, who lose their entire savings or livelihood to some scammers. Someone gives a very efficient and well prepared talk on a money-making product, and guess what happens ? At least 40% of those listeners would invest in the product, without doing any homework. Certain countries have managed to get themselves blacklisted due to the many scamming artists . All this happens due to the power of MONEY – the quick rich schemes. Who does not want to make a quick buck or even better, become wealthy within a very short period ?
Then there are those who make a living by abuse.
Parents send their young children to beg from people in the streets .
Who are we to turn a blind eye to these instances of abuse ?
What are we, the public doing about it ? Most of all, what are the POLICE and LAW ENFORCERS doing about it ? I have been witness to instances where these police driven vehicles drive by and sometimes even stop to engage in a conversation with these children.
Should they not immediately act on these instances ?
We are so quick to use foul language when we address someone in anger !
In our town the Taxis cause havoc during the day ….., and sometimes at night as well.
How easy to shout at the driver to use the indicators or something like “ where did you buy your damned licence?” Sound familiar ? I’m certain it must strike a cord.
Abuse ….., yes that is abuse, even though we would like to ignore that fact.
Or what about Bruno the Alsatian, or maybe Garfield the cat, when we are in a hurry and the poor pet is in the way. Chances are that we might shove it with a foot or shout at it .
And later this afternoon when we arrive back at home, guess who is waiting upon us, wagging his tail and so happy to see us. And we…….., do we even give it a thought that we were nasty toward poor Bruno ? Never, we carry on as if nothing had happened.
Exactly how we treat animals, that is sometimes also true on how we treat people.
When we notice a person with a disability, we intend to stare and whisper behind our hands.
Why ? Many disabled people were either born that way, or some lost a limb in an accident, or due to some or other illness. What about the people who are blind or deaf ? Imagine what a shock it can be when someone shouts in that blind persons ear ? And believe me, that happens !
Deaf people also find themselves being abused. Especially when they are being ignored and there is no regard for their disability, by turning you head away from that person, who needs to see your mouth in order to lip read. How cruel are people ?